A humane tourist destination

There are rumors circulating that this started as a your mamma joke. There is a chance that the rumors might not be false.


An eating disorder was what she had,

It didn’t make her distressed or mad.

She would eat and eat, and combined with

A rare gene defect, thought to be a myth,

She would grow and grow, never to stop,

Until she was the town’s permanent backdrop.

The tourism board started thinking,

Par for the course, while heavily drinking.

She was declared a tourist destination,

The tourists ferried all the way from the bus station

To marvel at the world’s newly largest mammal.

Some even offered to buy her a pet camel.

She now has a steady stream of visitors and food,

The former of which only rarely rude.

All in all, things are okay,

Life goes on, as they say.


My head

You know what you did that made me dizzy?

You, yesterday, ran around super busy,

And you swept my head off its feet.

There was no mess, it was pretty neat.

You knocked the podium with your arm,

My head fell down and set off the alarm.

The platinum legs that hold it standing,

Did nothing at all to smoothen the landing.

My forehead banged on the marble floor,

And I rolled with my ear to the door.

I don’t mind, you know that I’m dead.

But it filled your guests with dread.

They tried to roll their luggage inside,

But me in the wheels, they didn’t glide.

It’s pretty rare to have a skull in the cogs,

But at least it entertained their dogs.

So, all in all, my dizziness aside,

The slobbering and fright was not a good ride.

In the near future, if you can,

Be less hurried, my dear man.

Giant model village

My hometown ran out of money,

Ran out like an infidelous bunny.

In the bind we turned to tourists for help,

The kind to whom an adult is a whelp.

Giant model village, come and see!

The 20-foot visitors can skate and ski,

But mostly they wonder at the houses and people.

“Look at that bush and look at that steeple,

Painted like it was real and for use,

Instead of a vanity piece from spruce.

A car damaged by super strong hail!

Look at all this attention to detail!”

It’s demeaning and they make a mess,

Their green bills bring us progress.

I like food so I’ll play along,

Thousand times a day: My people’s song.