The best in life

You know when you laugh so hard you can’t stop?

So hard that your lungs feel like they’re gonna pop,

Tears stream down your wobbling cheeks,

Down to your jaw in two wet streaks.

That feeling right there is what it’s about,

The reason why I live, there is no doubt.

Afterward it hurts and I’m gasping for air

I don’t even care that I fell off of my chair.

When the giggles die down and I settle down,

My mind is clear and my brow has a frown,

As I try not to think about what made me laugh,

Fail, and fall down like a newborn calf.

Rinse and repeat or half an hour or so,

The world is pure as with fresh, white snow.

 

This was caused by a YouTube video where a man reads out loud misspellings of the word pregnant for two minutes. The video title is “how is pragent formed”, if someone wants to cackle like a hyena.

 

Onion pie

An onion pie will make you cry twice.

Once with the knife with every single slice.

With its gases that the onion emits,

Asking your tears to come out to do splits.

They oblige and ooze on out,

Stinging your eyes and wetting their route.

The second tears come when you have a taste,

The wonderful taste lays taste buds to waste

They can’t cope so the tears come to help,

Lubricating the way while you just yelp.

Your body knows compensation is needed,

To make the food flow completely unimpeded.

That’s the two cries that it will provide,

And two smiles, if you’re sharp-eyed.

One for the cheap price right in the store,

The other when you’re comatose on your floor.

(An onion-y coma is deep and nice

You won’t be woken by rats or mice.)