Sheep on the field

Just your average bicycle ride,

See some sheep, very woolly, two-eyed.

Come to a halt for a nice, quick pause

Observe the sheep and their chewing jaws.

That one over there is just ruminating

Chewing with the intent of swallow-for-sating.

The small one is rolling around in the grass,

Fluffy and white, its cuteness first-class.

And that one there is… in a white lab coat?

Holding a wrench and making a note?

That thing that it’s building, hold on…

Is that a rocket made of wood and nylon?

Defense against wolves and political aggression?

That raises one, and just one question:

How does one use a wrench with hooves?

One of the most complex of fine-motor moves.

Summoning the bear

According to the mythology book, it was possible to summon a bear to do harm to a neighbor you did not like. It was only one quick incantation away, but as the bear was a god of sorts, people did not appreciate greedy or envious people taking advantage of the noble beast. Punishment was often quick and effective.

 

A neighbor of yours is suspiciously successful?

Are his cattle fat and sheep stocked with wool?

You can bring bad luck to him if you will,

If you wish, you can even kill,

Some cattle of his or maybe an ox.

You don’t even need one of his hemp socks.

All you need is a to call upon the king

Of the northern forest, the mightiest thing.

Summon a bear, the holiest of ours,

Summon one bear and use his great powers.

Climb up a tree your backside first,

Recite this spell and prepare for the worst.

“Presence of gods, filled with beauty,

Come when I need, fulfill your duty,

Kill me the best mare from his stable,

All of his oxen if you are able.”

It will come and do its task,

Spill blood and marrow as you did ask.

Hate every minute and wail in pain,

Its pain doubling for each one slain.

A bear on its own never harms our kin,

If it does, a man is under its skin.

Defiling the holy in such a cruel way,

If seen, your body will swing and sway.

Wolf in sheep’s clothing

Is that a wolf in sheep’s clothing there?

I don’t mean metaphorically as hot air,

Just right there by the barber shop,

The one that looks like a cheap, wet mop.

We should warn the old man who’s coming out,

If he’s not a fighter, old oak and stout,

He could get jumped by the wolf-in-guise,

And hurt my ears with his “help me” cries.

“Err, I think that’s… that’s a poodle,

You know, as dangerous as your average strudel,

It is woolly and white, I agree,

But a wolf in disguise I just can’t see.

I think the old man is his old owner,

The doggy a companion working for a boner.

You know, you have this kind of bad habit

Of seeing danger everywhere, like a scared rabbit.

Try to relax and not get spooked,

By your fear of animals and getting surprise-nuked,

How about I buy you a sorbet,

Concentrate on licking that. A deal? Ok?”

Shearing sheep

Do they even shear sheep in the summer? I sure as stone don’t know.

When in June it’s blazing hot,

You can’t run or dance foxtrot.

The dogs are panting all day long,

Cats just snooze to the leaves’ calm song.

Pigs in the sty under layers of mud,

Might look dirty but it cools their blood.

The sheep are waiting, ready to be shorn.

That woolly jumpsuit has to be torn.

It’s heavy and it’s hot, can also be grimy,

Like a year-sailing pirate, swab or limey.

They want it off so much that it itches,

Would speed it up with all kinds of riches.

But they’re sheep so their wallets are empty,

Pickpocketing farmers gets a bit tempty.

Thieving sheep ain’t very successful,

Cutting purses with hooves is way too stressful.

So they just wait for the shears to appear,

Those short hours an astronomical year.

When the workers come and the shearing is done,

The sheep run around having fun in the sun,

Roll in the grass and swim in the pond,

Gives them the power of youth and beyond.

Feeling light makes them lambkins again:

Fountain of youth fit for CNN.

The sun can blaze all day if it wants.

Won’t upset sheep cousins, uncles or aunts.

The farmer’s just happy for all that wool,

Makes his wallet not utterly unfull.

The sheep’s new caper presents a good smile,

And he loses his wallet in sheepish ninja style.

Animal appearances

Today I saw a person who had very feline features.

 

Have you ever noticed this little thing?

Some people look like they’d take wing.

Some look like they want to chase a ball.

Some look like they get stuck in a trawl.

 

Some people have a lion’s fierce eyes

And their golden mane, a fabulous prize.

Some have the grin of a great white shark

And the dead eyes that don’t have a spark.

 

Some have the gentle, wet eyes of a cow

And the attitude of living here and now.

Some get the nose that’d just suit a swine

And the floppy ears much cuter than mine.

 

Some’s moustache attracts catnip

And their gait has a secondary hip.

Some sound a bit like every word’s a bleat

And that their hair would keep in the heat.

 

Some look kind and some do not.

Some’s eyes are large and some’s a small dot.

Some have a smile that cures you of cold.

Some have a laugh that youngens the old.

 

It doesn’t matter what’s your look.

If it comes from a film or from an old book.

It shouldn’t make you sour or bitter.

Just hope someone mistakes you for a happy critter.