I like people’s names and playing with them.
If there was an actor who knew magic,
By learning hard or by something tragic.
If he was known for his bare magic rage,
He would be called Nicholas Mage.
If there was an actor with a face like a wound,
To the injury world his face is attuned.
He would be covered in reds and blues.
I think his name would be Tom Bruise.
If there was an actor who was a great, big orca,
And lived his life off the coast of Majorca.
If you could hear his watery wail,
He should be called Christian whale.
If there was an actor who lived in legend,
If his life was almost imagined,
In the real world there’s only a fifth.
I think I’d just call him: Will Myth.
If there was a scientist who sold you goods.
Like towels and sheets and tasty, tasty foods.
If the selection in his shop made your eyes really sore,
He would’ve been called, the great Niels Store.
If there was a scientist who really loved sports,
If he dominated all tennis and basket courts,
If you fought him and got destroyed,
He’d be called Sigmund steroid.
If there was a scientist who carried people,
He’d take them home from the church’s steeple.
On his back you could sleep and discuss,
He’d be called Nicholas CoperniBus.
If there was a cool scientist who liked hijinks,
If he switched your pet cat with a lynx,
In the gag-committee he held the top rank.
He’d be called wily, old Max Prank.
If there was a leader who was never on time,
Being constantly late would be his crime.
Sometimes you’d wait an hour or eight.
He’d be called Alexander the Late.
If there was a leader who liked the cold,
He’d value snow quite more than gold.
He’d be a sucker for a winter-come teaser.
He’d be called Julius Freezer.
If there was a leader who always shone,
If his personal light would warm your bone,
If he was the most luminous fella,
He’d be called Nelson Candela.
If there was a leader who wanted to fly,
If the blue sky really made him sigh.
If he had feathers and to white he was drawn,
He’d be called Genghis Swan.