Twisting words

Twisting words is for crooks,

This applies to politics and writing books.

All those synonyms, as if they were needed,

Rules of clarity go all but unheeded.

Languages as well, some are seedy,

Grammatical rules with exceptions are needy.

I learned Spanish in school,

The teachers took me for a fool:

Conjugating verbs, distorting their meaning

I wouldn’t have it, so I did some cleaning.

I got a fail on every exam,

Past perfect tense? I don’t give a damn.

That is why I’m now learning Chinese.

No conjugation, the grammar’s just a breeze.

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Advanced autocorrect

I wrote an article in a word processor,

The autocorrect corrected me quite like a professor.

I wrote “high-income lying”, which is when,

It wrote “advertisement” with its electric pen

(To be fair, it was one of two choices,

“Politics” the other, both equal voices.)

So I tried other things in the same vein,

To see the other treasures hidden in its code-brain.

“High-income vying” took its old meaning,

Replaced by “poker”, high wager convening.

I wouldn’t have guessed it’d guess so old,

So I tried one from a more difficult mold.

It didn’t have one for “high-income dying”

Or if it did, then it was absolutely lying.

But I would imagine that’s mercenary work,

Big paycheck being the primary perk.

Needless to say, my article’s not done,

But who cares, guessing words is more fun.

Asking for a ballot

If you get to tell people what they should do

And they have to do what you say or you might sue,

You will get used to this treating quite unequal,

And if you get paid well, your story has a sequel.

You think you’re better just because of your position,

Like you had gotten some superhuman-like condition.

This happens to everyone, no matter what,

Which is why politics is so full of smut.

If you’re a person you will be corrupted

By the power and the high, both uninterrupted.

So why would I vote for anyone at all?

If I know that, in the end, they’ll drop the ball?

Ask for my ballot and I’ll have a question:

Are you a human? If yes, bad suggestion.

If you are not, but an A.I. for example,

I’ll change my mind and my support will be ample

Political party names

If I ever found a political party,

In case it’s run by the likes of Moriarty,

The name has to rhyme with something silly.

There’s a good reason. (Yes there is. Really.)

Should the party take over and start a regime,

Oppress everyone like in a bad dream,

The name can be used to mock and deride,

Which will start their downward slide.

Jokes are a great way to administrate power,

To show someone their place if they go sour.

Imagine a leader trying to rule,

When everyone thinks him quite the fool.

Imagine a fiendish military junta,

Who only talk via an official Grunt-a.

If their name’s e.g. M2,

They just crumble as they’re called M-poo.

A contingency plan, which works quite well,

Dictators have to wade through more hell.

And if the party is liked by us all,

This wordplay will shake your abdominal wall.

A cartoonist in the Times will make a good strip:

You’ll laugh so much your disc might slip.

So if I found a party, I’ll name it the Red Lily.

If it goes bad, you know how to make it silly.