X-men powers

What would I do if I had x-men powers?

I wouldn’t hesitate or think for hours.

Cyclops’ laser eyes are handy for cooking,

No need for a stove, I’d just do some looking

And the onions would be sautéed to perfection,

Later to be eaten by objects of my affection.

Wolverine’s claws could open all the letters,

Persuasion +10 when chased by debtors.

Also, good for chopping up an onion

Chopping them cleanly, like trees with Paul Bunyan.

Being telepathic, like Professor X,

Could stop an international annex.

Also, I’d know if onions are ok to cook

For my guests without asking, just a quick look.

In summary I’d say, the powers would be pretty cool

All of them help polish that culinary jewel.

Advertisements

Dragon wagon

Get on the dragon wagon,

Shaped like a red dragon!

We’ll fly to the Moon and Mars

Tears some brand new astral scars!

Fill our lungs in Venus with gas,

So we can roast some bad-guy’s ass!

I think Jupiter needs more spots,

Gigantic marks and not just dots!

Get on the dragon wagon,

With the claws of a black dragon!

If you want in, you have to be fast,

Or we’ll zoom and whiz right past!

Prepare your claws! Get ready!

Grab on until you feel steady!

Faster than light? That’s easy,

Photons in our trail feel queasy.

Get on the dragon wagon,

With the presence of an ancient dragon!

Let’s make Everest afraid and run!

Drive it into the sea for fun!

Stop the tsunami with just our eyes!

Do it fast so no one dies!

Get on the dragon wagon,

Shaped like an awesome dragon!

Silver bullet lining

My grandfather used to have his own saying,

I heard it at Christmas and every single haying.

You know that one about clouds and their lining

That usually stops people too busy whining?

“There’s a silver bullet in every single lining.”

Was what he said when we were dining.

First I thought that he got it wrong,

I had a think and that didn’t last long.

Then I assumed he really meant the clouds,

Maybe some wisdom for selfish crowds.

(You need to take a bullet to help someone else,

You or somebody to scour some hells.)

Then I found out about his past,

Lots of action and cars that go fast.

In addition blood and claws and fur.

His occupation was to hunt a he-cur.

A werewolf hunter and silver are tight.

The bosomest buddies on a full moon night.

Every single jacket and every single coat,

Had bullets sewn in right next to the throat.

If he ever ran out when on a the hunt,

He tore them out with barely a grunt.

Blasted away that spawn of night,

To make my future slightly more bright.

Thanks to him now we only have one.

One that lost while our family won.

Bear claw tree

I was on a walk and I saw a tree,

With weird fruit that attracted me.

I went closer to inspect them well,

They were brown and smelled like hell.

Shaped like a paw of a grizzly or a polar,

As fruit, I guess they’re powered by solar.

With long, thin, black things super, super sharp,

Mat, furless black that’ll go through a carp.

I looked closer and one pawed at me,

Startled I yanked my babyface free.

All of them seemed to have come to life,

A treeful of them waving, sharp as a knife.

One of them fell, I guess it was ripe.

It didn’t move and I poked it with my pipe.

My poke made a hole and jam oozed out,

It was a pastry, I had no doubt.

A bear claw tree, isn’t that wonder,

I tasted it, and it made me ponder:

“What is the filling? Tastes like vanilla.

Whatever it is, it’s one tasty filler.”

A bear claw tree almost next to my home,

I guess my sweet tooth won’t have to roam.

Lionel Hammer

I bet lions would make great carpenters if you could get them to concentrate.

 

Lionel hammer is a carpenter and he’s mostly made of lion.

When he does his carpentry, he measures every ion.

Lionel doesn’t need a saw or a carpenter’s knife.

He has his claws so apical, he has used them his whole life.

Any image intricate, any shape or form,

Lionel does it quick and well, and well above the norm.

Hammer is all he requires, and perhaps some nails.

Seeing one, you would agree, gods live in his works’ details.

The kids like Lionel quite a bit, the sawdust in his mane.

It makes him fuzzier than before when he uses a plane.

He uses his tail to hold the planks however he requires

Or like a tool belt on his back, it can hold a pair of pliers.

Lionel has a special day for his friends and closest kin.

A little show for everyone to make them gasp and grin.

He has a tree that he’s picked out and cut off every branch,

Peeled the bark and left it up somewhere on his ranch.

The crowd comes round the chosen tree, Lionel takes off his vest

He climbs up and finds the top the tree hugging his chest.

He dances down with his claws while scratching all the way.

Shaping wood and making art with a splinter spray.

At first it took some hours for him to finish the whole log,

Nowadays it take three winks, it’s not even a slog.

When he’s done, they have a pole with a stunning scene:

It’s the sea with coral reefs, a shark and a sardine.

The log is felled and given to whoever most desires,

As long as it’s used for something else than feeding blazes, fires.

Lionel thinks it’s just great fun, the fruit is also pretty.

He dons his vest and walks back home while humming a short ditty.

I wanted to be scary

This one just wants to be scary.

 

I always wanted to be scary, not just nice.

I wanted my sight to fill people with ice.

When I tried to hide and suddenly go “BOO!”

It didn’t really work through and through.

 

I had to keep quiet, but I couldn’t.

I just giggled and laughed, and I shouldn’t.

I had to stay still, but I didn’t.

I shook with laughter, a pretty clear hint.

 

I wanted to have horns that scare and frighten.

The sight of which would make your hair whiten.

I don’t have horns, not even stumps.

My round head won’t give anyone goose bumps.

 

I wanted to have long, shaggy, black fur

That would make your speech start to slur.

My fur is fluffy and the brightest pink.

Smooth and silky, not a single wrink.

 

I wanted to roar like a lion

So loudly that you’d hear it in Orion.

My voice more of a song and less of a howl.

Less like lightning and more like a towel.

 

I wanted eyes that glow red and sharp.

When you saw them, you’d go play the harp.

My eyes are deep brown with a glimmer.

In the dark they don’t get any dimmer.

 

I wanted my claws to be sharp and long

So sharp the light would bend all wrong.

I don’t have claws, my paws are soft.

They don’t do much more than waft.

 

I wanted to be big and tower over all.

In my hands, a giant would be a doll.

My back is short and my legs as well.

Not at all like those of a gazelle.

 

I wanted everyone to fear my punches and kicks.

They would break bone and shatter stone bricks.

Instead of fearsome punches and kicks

I can only give lovely kisses and licks.

 

I wanted and I wanted and it’s not so.

I can’t change it, I know, I know.

I wanted to be scary but I just can’t.

I’ll just be boring, like a wax plant.

I wanted to frighten, but I know I won’t.

I’ll share a hug even if you don’t.

I can’t change, so why even bother

At least I’ll be fit to be a good father.