Online stupidity

Three things that I often see in online discussions, all of which have an inherent flaw in the reasoning and thus aggravate my logic-gland. To be fair, this gland becomes very aggravated by pretty much anything online, not just these three things.

 

… and then she said she likes me as a friend!”

Oh you poor thing, did your life end?

You were nice to a person in hopes for sex?

And it didn’t happen, so now you’re perplexed?

Nice is the default, you sack of stupid!

Not for forcing the arrow of cupid.

But now you’re hurt and lie to yourself

“It’s her fault, I’m perfect, like a beautiful elf!”

Lying about your feelings and your intention,

Is dicky, to be fair, dicky. Pay attention!

 

… asking for it with the way she was dressed.”

The idiocy of this statement has me slightly impressed.

By the same logic, if you see someone

Wearing boxing shorts when going for a run

Means you can punch them out of the blue

And, although they can always sue,

“They had it coming, wearing what they did.

If you’re not ready to be punched, wear other pants kid.”

 

… is fake, but what I found, it just has to be real.”

Really? The other proof is cotton, yours is steel?

Just with the virtue of agreeing with your bias,

Its validity is raised higher than the Himalayas?

Maybe you should, for once in your life,

Be critical to things said during times of strife

By the people in your team as well? Eh? Maybe?

Not just nod and coo like an overgrown baby.

This might even *GASP* lead to a rational talk.

But that requires thinking, no wonder you balk.

Friendly tire fixing

Fixing a tire with a friend is better

One is the fixer, the other the tire-setter.

If you do it alone, it’s hard and boring,

With a good friend you won’t be snoring:

 

“You hold the tire and I’ll unscrew

Everything we need to remove and glue.

Whoops, you almost dropped it just now,

Please don’t let loose until I allow.

The valve is loose, let’s unmount the tire,

With our fingers it can’t misfire.

No! With a screwdriver you’ll make it flat!

Haven’t you learned not to do it like that?

Please be careful, and do as I say,

It’s over very soon if we do it my way.

No, you don’t work for me, I know,

I’m glad you don’t with that dumb show.

Now keep it still while I glue it shut

And give me the patch, don’t just sit on your butt!

Oh, sure! You can just get mad and leave

Like you do every time, don’t you, Steve?”

I guess I’ll finish this thing on my own,

And do it well like I am well-known.

Working alone is better after all,

There’s no one else there to always drop the ball.

Maybe the worst hurt

It hurts when I stub my toe,

I might swear and blood might flow.

It hurts when someone calls me names

Not those ones like Jack or James.

It hurts most when I’m wrong,

When someone else’s reasoning’s strong.

When I think a thing objectively not true

I have to change and that tears me in two.

I feel stupid and reluctant to change,

Admitting my mistake does annoy and estrange.

Reading, talking, watching TV,

Can all lead to a more-annoyed-me.

I wish I learned to, instead of a pain,

Feel it in a different part of my brain.

Think that it’s fun when I’m proven wrong,

Just as fun as playing a new song.

I have a long way ahead of me, I know,

If I can’t learn this, I won’t grow.

Opinion equality

Is an opinion always as good as the next?

Some people say yes, it’s not that complex.

Everyone has one, and that seems to be it,

As people are equal down to the last bit,

So saying an opinion isn’t worth much,

Implies automatically inequality as such.

See, I don’t agree with this sort of notion,

As it would stop all mental motion.

An opinion is good when it’s based on knowledge

(Not only the kind acquired in college).

If I claim that ice hockey should be made illegal,

I don’t watch it and know about as much as a beagle,

If you listen to mine, and then present yours,

Of a proper enthusiast who’s done all the tours,

Carefully laying down reasons as to why,

It’s good to have around to please your eye.

Then our opinions are simply not equal,

Yours is better, and should have a sequel.

Mine is trash, there’s no work done,

Maybe I just find shouting to be quite fun.

I could have opinions on millions of things,

Vaccinations, education, vestigial wings,

But mine don’t matter, and experts’ do,

That’s why listening to someone who,

Is locally wiser is a pretty smart idea

It could relieve the flame storm diarrhea.

(Who’s then an expert? That’s another matter,

But I’m sure it’s not the one who just makes more chatter.)

Advanced autocorrect

I wrote an article in a word processor,

The autocorrect corrected me quite like a professor.

I wrote “high-income lying”, which is when,

It wrote “advertisement” with its electric pen

(To be fair, it was one of two choices,

“Politics” the other, both equal voices.)

So I tried other things in the same vein,

To see the other treasures hidden in its code-brain.

“High-income vying” took its old meaning,

Replaced by “poker”, high wager convening.

I wouldn’t have guessed it’d guess so old,

So I tried one from a more difficult mold.

It didn’t have one for “high-income dying”

Or if it did, then it was absolutely lying.

But I would imagine that’s mercenary work,

Big paycheck being the primary perk.

Needless to say, my article’s not done,

But who cares, guessing words is more fun.

Species instructor

I’m a species instructor, I am,

From larvae to lobster to a tiny-winy lamb,

When a thing is born I tell them how to be,

Whether in the forest or under the sea.

What I tell them all is eat and mate,

Other stuff is gravy on the side of the plate.

I find they tend to listen quite well,

Because they’re young and they can’t tell,

If I’m full of hot air or much worse,

And if listening to me is more like a curse.

Some fish for example, I instructed to fly,

They spent all their energy jumping quite high.

After a while they all figured out,

They had been had, silly little trout.

I told some bunnies they should eat meat,

Let them loose and took the best seat.

I’ve never ever seen a squirrel move so fast,

As, on its favorite branch, it got harassed,

By a white fur ball, biting its tail.

This, too, was trumped by that one snail,

I told should find a house in a skull,

Which led to a confused laughing gull,

Who woke up with slime on its feathers of the face,

And a disappointed snail savagely on its case.

Some say it’s mean, and I should stop,

Ah, who cares, they’ll never be on top.

Lazy fame

I’m quite lazy, not a very hard worker,

A well-known mindless labor shirker.

My family knows me as do my friends,

Never ask me to finish their odds and ends.

I met a person for the first time

And she said, at the drop of a dime:

“You’re that guy, the super lazy one!

You’re pretty famous under the sun.”

I didn’t mind that as it’s quite true.

And it made me likeable in her view.

But that still wasn’t the peak of my fame,

To be quite honest, that was still quite lame.

The peak, the zenith happened one slow day,

Breakfast time, my mind of hay.

I took an apple to start my early feast,

And it spoke up, it’s tongue now released.

“Oh you’re the lackadaisical Letharg of now!

I’m so out of words! I mean wow! Just wow!

I can peel myself to save you the trouble,

You can just stay there and stroke your stubble.

Just point me towards the peeling knife

I’ll do my best to enable your life.”

And so it did, with the knife not sharp

While whistling a tune that sounded like a harp.

As I thanked it quite confounded,

It said “no prob” and left me astounded.

It appreciated my lazy and helped me with haste.

And I just appreciated its sweet taste.