Spring fauna

The spring sun now shines all the way down.

I can feel it on my brown arm and my frown.

The night is losing its endless fight,

Time spent awake no longer too tight.

Especially because of the local fauna,

Going crazy in the morning like Madonna.

Screeching and chirping at 5 am,

It’s not like I never want to hear them,

But, as you know, sleep is nice,

And 5-ish hours do not suffice.

So, any birds reading this right now,

Mating calls only after nine would be wow.

Hippocampus

Walking around, I saw the hippocampus,

Where hippos study and learn.

Where they learn to wiggle their ears,

Where their teachers are very stern.

A hippo has to learn how to breathe underwater,

How to be free from water-related fears,

Which plants to ignore and which ones to slaughter

And when to wiggle one’s cute ears.

They have tests on cuisine and how to float,

How to put the fear of Hippo into people on piers.

How to interpret what earlier hippo poets wrote.

The final exam is on the wiggliness of their ears.

After passing, they celebrate in a hippo-sized pool

By swimming whilst roaring loud cheers.

Graduating, they say goodbye to their school,

In a row by wiggling their ears.

Programming trees

In my spare time I like to hack trees.

It’s pretty easy, goes like a breeze.

You take a knife and carve a usb-port,

Into the bark like an inverted wart.

Take your laptop and a usb-cable

Connect to the tree: Hacking, enable.

Find the root directory, located in the roots

Add your config files with new attributes.

Like: branches now grow in the shape of a fist

That’s giving you the finger like a Yankee who’s pissed.

A surprise for my neighbor ten years from now,

That asshat scared my #1 cow.

Now he’s gonna get a row of oaks

Flipping him the bird while he scrambles his yolks.

Almost gentlemanly actions

This might be a suggestion on what to do on dates, or it might not. Reader discretion is advised.

 

Being a gentleman is nice,

But for me it will not suffice.

I like absurdity, that’s my aim,

The laughter it brings, not money or fame.

A female and a door, a deadly combination!

Open it ASAP, gentle conjuration.

But open it too little so she can’t fit through

Marvel at her expression of having no clue.

Laugh very heartily to let her know

No ill intention, no intended woe.

Going out to eat and you offer her a seat?

Like a gentleman, you’re fast on your feet.

Pull the chair just slightly to the side

So the armrest is what she’ll meet with her behind.

As she turns around, chuckle and smile

To prevent any hatred, anger or bile.

Going home after a fancy night out?

It’s cold outside, so I’m all about:

Here’s your coat, milady, if you please,

Holding it ready for her to wear it with ease,

Holding it ready, but a bit too high

So she can’t quite reach, be ready for the why.

The why in her eyes as she realizes,

The humor that was hidden, the bestest of prizes.

Almost gentlemanly actions just like these

Will have her swaying in the humorous breeze.