Friendly tire fixing

Fixing a tire with a friend is better

One is the fixer, the other the tire-setter.

If you do it alone, it’s hard and boring,

With a good friend you won’t be snoring:

 

“You hold the tire and I’ll unscrew

Everything we need to remove and glue.

Whoops, you almost dropped it just now,

Please don’t let loose until I allow.

The valve is loose, let’s unmount the tire,

With our fingers it can’t misfire.

No! With a screwdriver you’ll make it flat!

Haven’t you learned not to do it like that?

Please be careful, and do as I say,

It’s over very soon if we do it my way.

No, you don’t work for me, I know,

I’m glad you don’t with that dumb show.

Now keep it still while I glue it shut

And give me the patch, don’t just sit on your butt!

Oh, sure! You can just get mad and leave

Like you do every time, don’t you, Steve?”

I guess I’ll finish this thing on my own,

And do it well like I am well-known.

Working alone is better after all,

There’s no one else there to always drop the ball.

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Advanced autocorrect

I wrote an article in a word processor,

The autocorrect corrected me quite like a professor.

I wrote “high-income lying”, which is when,

It wrote “advertisement” with its electric pen

(To be fair, it was one of two choices,

“Politics” the other, both equal voices.)

So I tried other things in the same vein,

To see the other treasures hidden in its code-brain.

“High-income vying” took its old meaning,

Replaced by “poker”, high wager convening.

I wouldn’t have guessed it’d guess so old,

So I tried one from a more difficult mold.

It didn’t have one for “high-income dying”

Or if it did, then it was absolutely lying.

But I would imagine that’s mercenary work,

Big paycheck being the primary perk.

Needless to say, my article’s not done,

But who cares, guessing words is more fun.

Warrior architect

My duty is creating warriors and fighters,

Slashers, crushers, voracious biters.

I craft them for worlds of battle and war,

My sole task since the days of yore.

I look at each world and see their need,

Ready my tools, I design and breed.

Set them free for destruction or order,

I have noted: ‘tis not a clear border.

You should see the beauty I have created,

Planets of deserts where a hunger was sated,

Eternal oceans of burning blood,

Tides of bodies avalanching like mud.

Continents cracked, skies torn asunder,

Atmosphere escaping, only death, no thunder.

All so quiet, lifeless and clean,

The marvelous beauty that I have seen!

No, I have never asked for any reason,

It is not my place, nor is it the season.

Tell me of your world, small one, go ahead please,

Is it one I visited? Does it still have trees?

Hmm, I do not think it has been on my list.

No, I am certain, your world has not been kissed.

Your one still breathes, and all do not fight,

Most spend time eating or learning to write.

Not a part of my plan now, most likely not ever,

Unless… One day I might need a lever…

Wi-Fi appetite

A camera to do some video recording,

I was suspicious, and it was rewarding,

I set it up in my one-room flat’s ceiling,

Because I had this mistrustful feeling.

I played the tape and saw what went on:

When it was getting quite close to the dawn,

My phone and pc started talking,

I upped the volume and did some stalking.

They were talking about the Wi-Fi connection,

Where it’s best, the tastiest reception.

Apparently right next to the router not,

The taste over there is “a bit too hot”.

They said the best is over by the bed,

Enough to go around, soft and red.

Under the table it’s too watered down.

Now I know and they will no longer frown.

On my bed is where they’ll be,

This surveillance action helped me see.