Oolong tea

I chipped my tooth while sipping my tea,

Seems quite unlikely? Also to me.

I checked the package, it didn’t take long.

It said on the side “Freshest oolong”.

The dictionary told me what oolong meant

It means, dark dragon, so that’s the content.

I peered into my cup, now a bit cooler,

And stared into a tiny, suspicious ocular.

A tiny tee-covered black dragon staring back,

Apparently the one that made my tooth crack.

It jumps out, and quickly flies away,

All it left behind, a tooth-ache for the day.

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Almost gentlemanly actions

This might be a suggestion on what to do on dates, or it might not. Reader discretion is advised.

 

Being a gentleman is nice,

But for me it will not suffice.

I like absurdity, that’s my aim,

The laughter it brings, not money or fame.

A female and a door, a deadly combination!

Open it ASAP, gentle conjuration.

But open it too little so she can’t fit through

Marvel at her expression of having no clue.

Laugh very heartily to let her know

No ill intention, no intended woe.

Going out to eat and you offer her a seat?

Like a gentleman, you’re fast on your feet.

Pull the chair just slightly to the side

So the armrest is what she’ll meet with her behind.

As she turns around, chuckle and smile

To prevent any hatred, anger or bile.

Going home after a fancy night out?

It’s cold outside, so I’m all about:

Here’s your coat, milady, if you please,

Holding it ready for her to wear it with ease,

Holding it ready, but a bit too high

So she can’t quite reach, be ready for the why.

The why in her eyes as she realizes,

The humor that was hidden, the bestest of prizes.

Almost gentlemanly actions just like these

Will have her swaying in the humorous breeze.

Timber florist

Stealing wood from the government forest,

Feeling like a timber florist.

In the middle of nowhere with no one to see

I won’t be caught when I work like a bee.

Hey Mr. Oak, meet Mr. Chainsaw.

He’s a nice guy with only one flaw.

He’ll cut you up into pieces by the foot

Later: meet Mr. Oven, turn into soot.

Stealing wood from government land,

So I won’t freeze my toe or hand

When I sit one the sofa in March,

Under my roof, an oaken arch.

Speck, the Vulcan

Spock is the Vulcan from Star Trek.

He has a brother whose name is Speck.

He is a replicator in human form,

With pointy ears per the Vulcan norm.

The food comes out from a nostril, the right

The drinks from the left, because it’s a bit tight.

If you think it’s icky, well you know, he’s a Vulcan,

Not a dirty human like me or Macaulay Culkin.

You calibrate your wishes by pulling on the ears.

No fuss, no trouble, no clanking of gears.

Shoot it forcefully into your container,

Of course you bring one, that’s a no-brainer.

I don’t know if Star Trek has Tupperware,

But if not, then something else that’s square.

Spock likes his brother and that’s no wonder,

With him every party will fail to go under.

Just be sure to calibrate it well,

One yank too much and and your soda might smell.

A German disguise

I like to be anonymous, a part of the crowd

Hidden in the masses, in the collective shroud.

In some places it’s harder than in others,

Due to the color of the skin, mine and my mother’s.

In Germany, for example, it’s not that hard,

But that doesn’t mean I can let down my guard.

I’m smaller than most by more than a head,

Maybe because they were way better fed,

But this in turn calls for a pair of stilts,

Discreet ones, not showy like kilts.

Something hidden in the legs of the pants

Going all the way down to the hard-working ants.

A piece of wood or metal to be sure

Is all I need for a disguise, a cure.

This, of course, is relatively easy,

But on Mars, for example, it wouldn’t be a breezy.