If I had portals, I’d never waste time

Bringing food with a fork to my mouth.

I’d hold one in my hand like a dime,

And one between my teeth to transport it down south.

Press my hand on the taters slowly,

To keep the tater-traffic in check,

Enjoy the sensation wholly

Without straining my sprained left peck.

If I attached one under my heel,

I could pick up stuff without stooping.

As an old man I wouldn’t have to kneel.

I could also have a butt for long distance pooping.

I guess you could use it for industry as well

Or transporting food to all the people in need.

But for me and my arm not moving’d be swell,

Outstandingly lazy, but swell indeed


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