Rooting out a spy

How to know if someone’s not Finnish,

If your spy network is getting thinnish:

Gather all the people, the suspect as well,

For example ring the dining bell.

Make your face be serious and sober,

Like you were doing field work in October.

Relay them the information as follows:

It’s group hug time to fill our inner hollows,

Everybody in a circle, arms around friends,

Don’t squeeze too tight, don’t be too tense.

During the hug get your awkwardness detector,

(That you were given by your Finnishness inspector

When you were born, along with your depression)

Hug and turn it on in very quick succession.

Measure all the levels, awkward or not,

If there’s someone from a far-away plot,

They will not think the hug too awkward

The meter won’t move, not one awk-third.

That’s how you know who’s not from our land,

And, very hastily, you’ll get them banned.

Now that the plot has been easily thwarted,

Your lines and morale won’t be distorted.

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