Hugging dangerous animals

If your eyes see a polar bear cub,

And you want to give it a rub-a-dub-dub,

Look out, look out, its mom may get mad,

It might think your intentions are bad.

Then you take hold of mummy bear’s ears,

While letting go of all of your fears,

Steer it to the left and steer it to the right,

Give its cheeks a kiss and you’ll have no fight.

Plant one final one on its black nose,

And it will not know these from those.

 

If you want to hug a real, wild panther,

If you want to pet its sandy sand fur,

The key to this affection is in its name,

It’s not called a pant-her just for a game.

Grab its belt if you get close enough,

Grab it gently, it’s not nice to be rough,

Lift it a bit and then give a squeeze,

Not too hard, you don’t want it to wheeze,

It got a hug and it got stumped,

Now you should run before it gets pumped.

 

If you want to cuddle with a shark,

And do it in the wild and not a water park,

You’ll have to swim like a deep-end ninja,

And, very gently, stroke its fin-ja.

Sharks just stop if they feel a nice touch,

Great big whites and hammerheads as much.

When you do this, it’ll get sleepy,

Then cuddle its gills, it’s not creepy.

Just make sure you don’t have a small nick,

Or you might become food real quick.

 

If you see a herd of cute hippos

And want to kiss their big nose-tip-pos,

You need a stick about here-to-here long,

And a crow feather stuck to it quite strong.

Reach with the stick and tickle their noses,

They’ll get laughing like hyenas and crow-ses.

When they bellow, it’s safe to approach,

Under the surface like a diving coach.

Surface with speed in front of each one,

A peck on the nose and then you’re done.

 

If you spy a rattlesnake den,

And get a craving there and then,

For a sweet deal, a snake-on-head-hat,

Here’s what you do when you want just that.

Everybody knows that snakes have sockses,

And their doors never come with lockses,

So just go in when it’s hibernation time,

Grab a grass snake (color brown or lime),

While its sleepy, turbanize it:

You have a hat with a perfect fit.

 

(Oh, by the way, here’s a disclaimer,

I’m not responsible for a hug-related maimer,

So if you hurt yourself when trying,

Don’t call me, don’t come prying.)

 

 

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